I feel sad today as I consider how I have not written an entry for almost a week--and of course, it is the last week of Lent. Therefore I feel a particularly strong connection to the disciples in today's gospel, with both Peter and Judas. I let myself down, time and again, as I make mistakes and don't go to the gym tonight or send that package on time this weekend or complete my whole-week lesson outline before the week commences. I didn't do enough. I let myself down. I may even have let someone else down. But ultimately, God is at the bottom, the top, the sides, the core of this sense of inadequacy. He says You are enough and You always will be for me, for "The LORD called me from birth, from my mother’s womb he gave me my name" (IS 49: 1-6). He has been and He always will be with me, even at low points like the middle of the week of school right before Spring Break.
I'm tired, my students are tired, and we're all ready for break. Renew us, Lord, and help all of Your children to feel Your redeeming love. We're all like Judas, the ultimate symbol of humiliation and weakness, and thus of the full potential of Your forgiveness. If Judas, the person who betrayed his beloved messiah, could fall so low, and still, still Christ's forgiveness could extend to the person who killed Him, then we are all saved. For a long time, I looked down with contempt at Judas, and it was only last year in a phenomenal class at Georgetown that I finally realized that I am Judas. When it feels like I betray myself and my God, even if it is not as extreme as Judas's actions, I am not alone and I am loved.
Sustain me, ever more, O, Lord, my God.
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