“Your Father knows what you need before you ask him.” (Mt. 6:7-15)
How I want to believe this. I mean, of course I do, but sometimes I think feeling sort of isolated and unsure myself of what I need leads to doubting that God does know how to help me. I think it’s mostly caused by conflicting desires—God let me rest and God help me to have the strength to act; God take over my future but please take me where I will; God make me the best version of myself even as I refuse to let go of temptations.
Yet, from another point of view, God blesses me with what I need when I regularly had no idea that it was what I needed. This semester has been littered with seemingly random blessings that have sustained me and rejuvenated me, but were they truly random? I think not. In some weird way, I think that I was meant to be curled up in bed today, watching Downton Abbey and enjoying the rain.
This break is exactly what I needed. Already, of course, I am questioning how it can be passing so quickly even as I try to savor it. Part of me wants to make lists of things to do and places to go in the days to come; another part of me thinks that spending my day lounging and lazily doing whatever I feel like doing as the hours pass is exactly what I should I be doing.
As the week progresses, I will need to return to the real world, gradually, beginning to grade and plan for next week. Let me enter that transition smoothly and without bitterness, Lord. Prepare me for the space between now and Spring Break (which seems eons away). Rejuvenate me and make me ready for the hard work and late nights to come. You know what I need already, and I want to think that this break will be enough to prepare me for a successful month of March at school.
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