“You shall not bear hatred for your brother in your heart.
Though you may have to reprove him,
do not incur sin because of him.
Take no revenge and cherish no grudge against your fellow countrymen.
You shall love your neighbor as yourself.
I am the LORD.” (LV 19:11-18)
I have been feeling a little downtrodden lately and have not been quite sure why. There are many, many reasons, but when I was reflecting on today’s reading, I thought about how I have felt almost toxically negative this year. As a teacher, it is my job to enforce rules and create an environment where everyone can learn, feel respected, and act productively. The reality of creating that environment means that much of my energy throughout a school day is handling conflict, redirecting behavior, and providing constructive criticism. Yes, I try and try and try to be positive around and build strong relationships with and cultivate self-confidence in my students.
At the end of the day, though, I question if feeling so drained and exhausted and even, at times, strongly disliked means that I feel isolated and unsure of living out God’s love. I work because I care, but sometimes I just feel misunderstood—like my sarcasm is a foreign language, like my dry humor is taken as rude, like my positive intentions are lost in translation.
I’m hoping that after ski week I can return to school and consciously pursue being more positive. It’s been a goal of mine for some time, but maybe I can do more to reach out to family and friends and coworkers to let them know that I appreciate them and value them. If I can let more people know that I care and love them as I love myself, perhaps the rewards reaped could be twofold—maybe I will feel more secure in living in the way that God has called and simultaneously come to love myself more in the midst of a rough year.
Pour through me with Your grace, Lord, so that I can act in a way befitting Your child.
Pax to me and mine.
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