Cursed is the man who trusts in human beings,
who seeks his strength in flesh,
whose heart turns away from the LORD.
- Jer. 17:5-10
Reflecting on today's reading, I'm not sure if I am taking this quote too far from its original meaning. My first thought immediately went to my emotional state this year and struggling to work so much but not be too emotionally invested in my work. When I reflect on seeking and trusting "human beings" and "flesh" rather than the Lord, it makes me turn inwards to look at my own battle to learn how to teach. It's incredibly difficult to define one's self-worth in turbulent times, and some of my most soothing times this year have been when I pause to say, "I can't do this on my own- I need help."
Temper my self-righteousness, frustrations, arrogance, and inability to see the bigger picture by engendering humility in me, Lord. Make me now, more than ever, Your own.
Almost, almost, almost to the end of the week. Please bless tomorrow as being a productive, low-stress, quick day.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Wednesday, 02.27.13
I cannot believe that we are already two weeks into Lent. This week has inched by, painfully slowly, and yet, it seems like I just started writing my Lenten entries.
The readings today were perhaps a bit dark but that suits my somewhat depressing day. I smiled as I read Jeremiah's words: "Must good be repaid with evil that they should dig a pit to take my life?". Would it be melodramatic to say that I thought of my students immediately when I read this quote? It's funny how disheartening it can be when a whole class of students feels off-track and their behavior deteriorates. On my self-centered days, I take it quite personally, and it is only with time that I can take a step back and say "maybe it was an off day for them; maybe they did not intend to be so disrespectful."
While of course my students are not conspiring to take my life, as in Jeremiah's story, I do think it can be very isolating to feel at times like the enemy when students act up together in class. I find solace in today's psalm:
"Save me, O Lord, in your kindness.
You will free me from the snare they set for me,
for you are my refuge.
Into your hands I commend my spirit;
you will redeem me, O LORD, O faithful God."
I often reflect that teaching must have some purpose that God knows of, and I do not, in shaping me. I think that a major benefit of this rough first year is increasingly asking God for help as I flounder and struggle. Please help the rest of the week to pass smoothly and quickly Lord. Continue to grant me Your strength and resilience.
The readings today were perhaps a bit dark but that suits my somewhat depressing day. I smiled as I read Jeremiah's words: "Must good be repaid with evil that they should dig a pit to take my life?". Would it be melodramatic to say that I thought of my students immediately when I read this quote? It's funny how disheartening it can be when a whole class of students feels off-track and their behavior deteriorates. On my self-centered days, I take it quite personally, and it is only with time that I can take a step back and say "maybe it was an off day for them; maybe they did not intend to be so disrespectful."
While of course my students are not conspiring to take my life, as in Jeremiah's story, I do think it can be very isolating to feel at times like the enemy when students act up together in class. I find solace in today's psalm:
"Save me, O Lord, in your kindness.
You will free me from the snare they set for me,
for you are my refuge.
Into your hands I commend my spirit;
you will redeem me, O LORD, O faithful God."
I often reflect that teaching must have some purpose that God knows of, and I do not, in shaping me. I think that a major benefit of this rough first year is increasingly asking God for help as I flounder and struggle. Please help the rest of the week to pass smoothly and quickly Lord. Continue to grant me Your strength and resilience.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Monday, 02.25.13
Already, on my first day back after break, I am nervous about slipping in remembering to post everyday. Allow me, Lord, to continue to prioritize You in my life even when it feels like I have no time left to give.
I was worried about returning to school today, and I love that today's readings are full of humility and grace in the face of God's unceasing mercy; they remind me to thank God even as I bring new needs and flaws to Him. Together, the readings form a rich tapestry of messages that contribute and respond to one another. Daniel notes,
"We have sinned, been wicked and done evil;
we have rebelled and departed from your commandments and your laws.
We have not obeyed your servants the prophets."
The psalm builds upon this repentance and acknowledgement of wrongdoing with the prayer,
"Lord, do not deal with us according to our sins.
Remember not against us the iniquities of the past;
may your compassion quickly come to us,
for we are brought very low."
Finally, the gospel of Luke shares Jesus' message that we must "Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful."
Even as I jot a quick post, worried about tomorrow, trying to remember to thank God for a smoother day than I had anticipated today, and weary in the face of the week ahead, I am awed by the message of love and mercy in today's readings.
Strengthen me and make me, more than ever, Your own.
I was worried about returning to school today, and I love that today's readings are full of humility and grace in the face of God's unceasing mercy; they remind me to thank God even as I bring new needs and flaws to Him. Together, the readings form a rich tapestry of messages that contribute and respond to one another. Daniel notes,
"We have sinned, been wicked and done evil;
we have rebelled and departed from your commandments and your laws.
We have not obeyed your servants the prophets."
The psalm builds upon this repentance and acknowledgement of wrongdoing with the prayer,
"Lord, do not deal with us according to our sins.
Remember not against us the iniquities of the past;
may your compassion quickly come to us,
for we are brought very low."
Finally, the gospel of Luke shares Jesus' message that we must "Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful."
Even as I jot a quick post, worried about tomorrow, trying to remember to thank God for a smoother day than I had anticipated today, and weary in the face of the week ahead, I am awed by the message of love and mercy in today's readings.
Strengthen me and make me, more than ever, Your own.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Saturday, 02.23.12
A friend posted a TED talk about being vulnerable in order to connect to and love others, and I thought it would be a lovely place to start for a post today. The daily readings today seem rather solemn and focused on following God's laws and being obedient to His will. Simultaneously, of course, Jesus firmly and hopefully calls us to love one another, enemy and friend alike. I think that in conjunction with the aforementioned TED talk, then, a wonderful message of vulnerability emerges.
I have long struggled to do all that accept-oneself-as-being-imperfect thing, and never has that been more clear than during my first year of teaching. I loved hearing that people need to open up and be vulnerable, put oneself out there, and be gentle with oneself in order to feel worthy of, and as a result find, love. It's a message that takes many shapes and many forms, but today's gospel was somehow refreshingly enlightening. I thought about what exactly an enemy could mean (and the Georgetown daily Lenten reflection also considers how an enemy can be someone that one hates or merely is annoyed with). Could not the greatest enemy of all- brace yourself for a cliche- be oneself? What if we really showed gentle compassion for ourselves? Would not that prepare us to do the same for others? If I could really look in the mirror and say, "It's okay that today was not the best lesson you have planned yet, and that you mishandled several conversations, and that you didn't make any progress on your to-do list, and that you are selfishly tired and frustrated," I think that I would be better able to help my students handle their hiccups and mistakes as well.
Plus, it sounds exhausting to be one's own enemy. I feel like stress and fear and insecurity eat away at me, and I love the idea of being liberated from it all--even if the "cost" is being vulnerable.
Open me up to acceptance of myself and others, with compassion, grace, and love that mirrors Your own, Lord.
I have long struggled to do all that accept-oneself-as-being-imperfect thing, and never has that been more clear than during my first year of teaching. I loved hearing that people need to open up and be vulnerable, put oneself out there, and be gentle with oneself in order to feel worthy of, and as a result find, love. It's a message that takes many shapes and many forms, but today's gospel was somehow refreshingly enlightening. I thought about what exactly an enemy could mean (and the Georgetown daily Lenten reflection also considers how an enemy can be someone that one hates or merely is annoyed with). Could not the greatest enemy of all- brace yourself for a cliche- be oneself? What if we really showed gentle compassion for ourselves? Would not that prepare us to do the same for others? If I could really look in the mirror and say, "It's okay that today was not the best lesson you have planned yet, and that you mishandled several conversations, and that you didn't make any progress on your to-do list, and that you are selfishly tired and frustrated," I think that I would be better able to help my students handle their hiccups and mistakes as well.
Plus, it sounds exhausting to be one's own enemy. I feel like stress and fear and insecurity eat away at me, and I love the idea of being liberated from it all--even if the "cost" is being vulnerable.
Open me up to acceptance of myself and others, with compassion, grace, and love that mirrors Your own, Lord.
Friday, February 22, 2013
Friday, 02.22.13
Today I thought I would post something simple; I want to offer forth a post of thanksgiving. I feel so blessed by God this week, with a much needed break and time to just breathe in. I have felt surrounded by friends; loved; relaxed; renewed; rejuvenated; inspired; at peace. Through times of joy, I want to remember to tell God and show God how grateful I am for His glory and grace. It has almost been a retreat this week, and even in the midst of relaxing, I am starting to tense up at the prospect of returning to school. Let me feel your unwavering grace, Lord. Give me the wisdom to enjoy each day for what it is and not worry about the future unnecessarily.
02.21.13
Lord, on the day I called for help, You answered me. Help me
to remember that You are my hope, that You will respond in my need, and that there is nothing that can keep Your love from Your people. Amen.
Queen Esther shows a humility that I envy in today’s reading. So often this year I have offered forth supplication to the Lord, similar to Esther—help me, renew me, strengthen me, release me. I had a really interesting conversation with my mom today that, to be honest, I was resistant to. She urged me to take control of my life by not victimizing myself merely because I have a difficult job. If I went to work each day and attributed that day to making my car payment and the next day to groceries and the next three to rent, would not my job feel purposeful and rewarding in a different way? she asked. Mom prompted me to think about all the things I love doing on the weekend and breaks and give thanks for my job which makes them possible.
I ask You, Lord, to give me a healthy trust in You while simultaneously fostering a sense of positivity and ownership for my actions. Even as I rely on You, help me to do my share of trying to better my attitude and day-to-day life too.
to remember that You are my hope, that You will respond in my need, and that there is nothing that can keep Your love from Your people. Amen.
Queen Esther shows a humility that I envy in today’s reading. So often this year I have offered forth supplication to the Lord, similar to Esther—help me, renew me, strengthen me, release me. I had a really interesting conversation with my mom today that, to be honest, I was resistant to. She urged me to take control of my life by not victimizing myself merely because I have a difficult job. If I went to work each day and attributed that day to making my car payment and the next day to groceries and the next three to rent, would not my job feel purposeful and rewarding in a different way? she asked. Mom prompted me to think about all the things I love doing on the weekend and breaks and give thanks for my job which makes them possible.
I ask You, Lord, to give me a healthy trust in You while simultaneously fostering a sense of positivity and ownership for my actions. Even as I rely on You, help me to do my share of trying to better my attitude and day-to-day life too.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Wednesday, 02.20.13
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43: 18-19
Today's readings have always been a little difficult for me to relate to and really embrace. I find it difficult to embrace a vengeful God, even as He demonstrates His grace and mercy through Jonah. It helps me to consider how He must have known all along how the Ninevites would respond to the threat of holy justice. Plus now, more than ever before, I can understand the need for retribution to cause reformation.
While today's readings did not inspire me as much as I had hoped, a friend posted the quote from Isaiah above that really caught my attention and resonated with me. Despite myself, I dread returning to work Monday, and I love this scripture because it gives me much needed hope. I need to focus on the idea that every week can be an improvement for me as I continue to grow and develop. I tense up as I think about the long stretch until Spring break, and I grimace as I consider the start of another year of teaching. This is rigorous work, and I have focused this week on asking God to renew my purpose and guide my ways. Now I ask Him to engender new hope in me. I need to hope and believe that good days are coming, in and out of school.
Break is half-over. Help me to treat each of the last few days as though they are the first.
Today's readings have always been a little difficult for me to relate to and really embrace. I find it difficult to embrace a vengeful God, even as He demonstrates His grace and mercy through Jonah. It helps me to consider how He must have known all along how the Ninevites would respond to the threat of holy justice. Plus now, more than ever before, I can understand the need for retribution to cause reformation.
While today's readings did not inspire me as much as I had hoped, a friend posted the quote from Isaiah above that really caught my attention and resonated with me. Despite myself, I dread returning to work Monday, and I love this scripture because it gives me much needed hope. I need to focus on the idea that every week can be an improvement for me as I continue to grow and develop. I tense up as I think about the long stretch until Spring break, and I grimace as I consider the start of another year of teaching. This is rigorous work, and I have focused this week on asking God to renew my purpose and guide my ways. Now I ask Him to engender new hope in me. I need to hope and believe that good days are coming, in and out of school.
Break is half-over. Help me to treat each of the last few days as though they are the first.
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