Utterly Disconnected

My computer has died. Capoot. Done Working. The screen has been malfunctioning, including: the bottom of the screen appearing at the top of the screen, turning fuzzy, rainbow colors with black gridlines all over, and black dots appearing on the screen. I took it to computing services here at Oxford, and they told me the video chip is broken/corrupted/not working. I took it to the repair center to be examined and given a formal estimate on how much it will cost to fix, but I was told it could be around £300. Yippee. My best friend sent me an email, however, about defective Nvidia video chips in computers that have caused a lawsuit. I may be able to file a claim and be reimbursed for the repairs to my computer—thanks to my best friend! We’ll see what happens.

I thought it might be interesting to share what exactly it feels like to be abroad without a working computer. To sum it up, it sucks. I have been going to the computer lab at school or at various libraries daily to check my email, facebook, my bank account, etc. When I have to write my weekly/bi-weekly essays, I have been planting myself in the computer lab all day to write them.

It’s funny, though, to consider why God is presenting me with this difficulty in my life; I think He must be trying to teach me something. When I had the internet difficulties right after arriving, I told myself maybe it was a blessing in disguise, hiding behind my increased feelings of homesickness and aloneness, that would prompt me to try harder to meet other people. Now that I cannot even take my laptop somewhere to get wireless, the trial has become a little more difficult, but perhaps that means it shall be more fruitful.

Using the internet to look up information, to contact friends and family, to shop, to make travel plans, share pictures, write a blog, manage finances, learn about the world, look up directions, listen to music, and watch television shows can create a bit of an addiction. Quiting cold turkey can be difficult (although I am blessed to have the computer lab about 20 minutes away). I’m trying to learn to write lists of anything I want to look up, so I can do it the next time I’m in front of a computer; to learn to appreciate communication via the web much, much more; to be more focused on school work where I would normally go on-line as a distraction.

I’ve never been a person to use the computer super often anyway; one would think this would be a piece of cake. But like so many things in life, once the freedom is gone, we crave it profoundly. How can one realize the power of having the worldwide web literally at one’s fingertips...until it is gone? Maybe I did go on facebook a bit too much, maybe I took having my very own computer for granted.

I’ll make it through this though; God would never present me with a challenge to face alone. My best efforts will be put forth to continue to update my blog pretty regularly—so never fear on that front. With modern technology briding distances of thousands of miles and transforming them into mere seconds of separation via the internet, being abroad is irrefutably easier. But when that connection, that bridge, requires a great deal more work and can be crossed only sparingly, I think God is showing me what it means to be alone. Yes, I have new friends here that are wonderful, but by depriving me of easy access to those I know and care the most about in the whole world, I think He’s teaching me to rely on Him, to seek solace in Him, to not take Him for granted. I’ll do my best to learn this lesson.