I’ve been hungering to write a blog entry for a few days now; about what, I do not know. Hopefully by the end of this entry I will have figured it out.
I had this hope that arriving back in the US would help me to finally realize that I had been in Europe for the past few months—it did not. Landing in O’Hare and waiting for my connecting flight, however, was delightfully warming with the American newspapers being sold, American weather forecasts being played on TVs around the airport, prices being displayed in dollars, and the sweet sound of American accents surrounding me.
Arriving home at last, the only emotion I felt was sheer exhaustion. Jet lag hit me hard this time around. I figured that I had traveled around 18 hours altogether (between the 2 hour bus to the airport, 2 hours before my flight, 8 hour flight, 3 hour layover, 2 hour flight, and half an hour trip home—whew) and experienced a 6 hour time change.
Now that I’ve been home for a week, I feel as though I am beginning to understand what it means to be a grown-up. I seem to be spending longer and longer away from home and on returning, feeling more and more nostalgic with the realization that I won’t be returning as often for very much longer. In just a few years I’ll be making a home of my own in some undetermined location—presumably permanent rather than for school, which has a clear end date.
I have been enjoying family time immensely already this break. I feel as though I have taken having my immediate and a good deal of extended family within 15 minutes to an hour of my home for granted. The way that I have been raised has emphasized the importance of spending time with family, and it has been wonderful to have huge holidays and a number of people to count on. What can be more comforting in this world than slipping back into one’s familiar place in a family, with all the trappings of compatible humor, mannerisms, and personalities accompanied by a thorough understanding of one another?
It’s funny too that I arrived home with no laptop, a phone that doesn’t work in this country, and uninsured to drive to since I have been abroad. I feel as though God has been prodding me to understand what it means to feel utterly disconnected and alone from the greater world, to appreciate the people immediately around me and my one unwavering support—Him. Now I’m using my brother’s old phone, can drive while home, and just purchased my brand new laptop. Hopefully I can hold onto the lessons He has patiently tried to teach me from the lack of computer.
Perhaps this blog entry can convey the hodge-podge of emotions that I have been experiencing since I’ve been home. This has been one of the best breaks I can remember, especially in terms of the quality of family time I have shared. At the same time, it feels more surreal than ever. And also, while I was really beginning to feel a few pangs of homesickness right before coming home, now my other two “home”sicknesses are kicking in—for Georgetown and for Oxford.
I don’t like that I feel so distant from my home university; in many ways, I am jealous of my friends that have experienced their semester abroad, all neatly wrapped up, and are heading back to Georgetown in a few weeks. I can so easily picture myself slipping back into my hectic routine there, with my job, friends, classes, professors, dorm, my city. At the same time, it feels a little fuzzy, a little distant, a little too far away from me now, in this moment. I can’t stop thinking about how fast my college career has flown by and how soon I’ll be heading home from Europe at the end of the year. I am so hungry for all the experiences I have ahead of me this year, for travels, time with friends, all that I will learn as an Oxford student. That first term seems to have fluttered away, like a fleeting dream, and it scares me to think of how intangible this whole year really is. I want to hold onto it and refuse to let go.
Perhaps I’m just reverting to my melodramatic tendencies. I’m trying to live in the moment this year and experience it all to the utmost. A wonderful blessing has been given to me, so I’ll just soak it up with a smile. I’ll avoid thinking about the future for awhile—I have two and a half weeks of break, six months left in Europe, and one year at Georgetown securely defined in my future to enjoy. And tomorrow is Christmas Eve. How did that happen? Thanks be to God for my innumerable blessings.
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