A Modest Beginning

I have always known that I should be a writer. Not that I will be a writer but that I have it in me to be a truly happy and (hopefully) good writer; it’s as though with a paper and pen, or a laptop to show that I am adapting to the times, I am in my element. Sometimes I envision myself as a vessel for really good experiences and stories that must be put down on paper. It seems that in connecting myself to others, in creating a bridge with my stories and thoughts, how could I not be learning more of myself and the world, how could I not be transforming my woes and joys into something more lasting and meaningful?

That is not to say that I am exceptionally talented or live some exciting, fantabulous life. It is to say that I have a dream, that I have always had and probably will always have a dream of writing. Perhaps I have this dream due to my irrevocable, passionate love of reading. Perhaps it comes from my being an introvert, in that it would allow me to make, create, produce something from all this thinking. I journal all the time, with the hope that someday my words will have meaning for someone who stumbles upon them—maybe a child, grandchild, great-grandchild, etc. With some gentle probing from my best friend, I decided to join the modern age and use all that technology that is literally “at my fingertips.”

I have no doubt that my first attempts will be modest, to say the least. But hopefully, with time, experience, and patience, I can create something worthwhile here, in my blog. The thought that currently haunts pretty much every one of my thoughts is next year, in just a few short months: a year abroad at Oxford.

“What will it be like to leave America for the first time?,” I have asked myself again and again. I have oscillated between thinking I will feel something cataclysmic and feel something akin to traveling within the US itself. I mean culture shock sounds, well, shocking, but I think I’ve already experienced that in traveling from my hometown in Kansas to Washington, DC, where I go to school. I love, love, love to travel and have dreamt of it incessantly since childhood. My thoughts range from hoping my perceptions and worldview will expand to envisioning the people I will meet and memories I will create. Visions of soaking up the history, art, cuisine, and overall culture of Europe lurk tantalizingly ahead of me.I mean, EUROPE. It is that image, that powerful word which has flitted between each of my classes, throughout my entire scholarly career (which perhaps is not saying much); look at European art, realize European history, dive into European literature--and on and on it could go.

I can’t help but wonder how I will change in the process of going abroad for the first time—for a year. People have asked me, “Won’t you miss Georgetown, being away for a WHOLE year?” Yes, obviously I will miss my friends at Georgetown, but I can’t wait to see more of the world. Culture shock sounds intimidating, but reverse culture shock sounds even more worrisome. I’m not scared of starting over and making friends at a new school, but it is, I think, a bit scary to open yourself up at different places across the world and know that you will be leaving. But it’s worth it, it simply must be. Will it be hard to leave here and hard to leave there? Yes. Will I change in the process? Definitely. If I am lucky I will miss Oxford as much as I miss Georgetown now and as much as I know I will miss Georgetown and Kansas next year. Then I will truly have studied abroad.

Worries about having enough money, fantasies of traveling around Europe and being an international student (with an accent!), student visa applications, nightmares concerning packing for an entire year in two suitcases, nostalgia creeping up on me already at the thought of leaving home....all of it will largely make up the fabric of my summer. I trust God that He will lead me where I belong, that He will guide me, protect me, and remain steadfast--even when everything else in my life shifts, changes, and utterly transforms. Psalm 27:8 seems quite fitting: "To every traveler who dares to see this journey to its end. May God grant you a heart like His. My heart says of you, 'Seek his face!' You face, Lord, I will seek." I cannot doubt that my year abroad will profoundly impact me, and I hope that my relationships that matter will endure, despite distance, because they matter. Overall...I am simply overwhelmingly excited.