I was watching the classic movie All About Eve the other night when one of the characters, Karen Richards, told her husband, "The cynicism you refer to I acquired the day I discovered I was different from little boys." Her comment struck me, subtly slid in as it was in a 1950s movie that was structured around typical feminine roles of the period.
This week I’ve had a lot of quality girl time between talking with friends from Oxford and Georgetown, meeting up with my friends from high school, and spending time with my sister and other female relatives. I thought about the impact the important women in my life have had on me: I know I could go to at least ten different women in my life for support and advice, that I can count on them, that they would provide me with their unique kinds of strength.
I have struggled with what is probably a unique problem for the past few years. Labeling myself a “woman” does not come naturally (and watch it—I am not suggesting I suffer from any gender confusion). I feel stuck in this weird time warp where I feel simultaneously ageless, ancient, and younger than my age suggests. I suppose this could stem from several things: time feels like it is going so fast that I could not possibly already be out of my teens; I have always felt way older than my age; and at times I look around and see high schoolers that seem like kids, as well as more and more peers getting married and having children. So while calling myself a “woman” seems a bit odd, so too does calling myself a “girl”; I feel like neither and both.
It does feel strange to be a woman in today’s world. Have we actually triumphed over sexism as a society? Not really. But we have made enough progress that when I experience any sexism it riles me up. I feel as though even women being able to feel indignant at sexism is in itself a strong sign of the progress we have made. I’ve discussed in a previous post the trouble facing female sexuality today. I would add to that in saying that our hyper-sexual culture seems to have a correlation with the increasing number of eating disorders and self-esteem problems females face today. Women feeling worthwhile based on their physical attractiveness seems as rampant as ever: our culture nurtures that trend.
Have you heard those common ideas that women oftentimes look for men that are less attractive than themselves and men look for women that are more attractive than themselves? Isn’t the statistic concerning female and male happiness in relationships also interesting? Married men, followed by single women, single men, and finally married women are supposed to be the happiest. It’s weird to be growing older and feeling increasingly disillusioned concerning love relationships between men and women. I feel equal parts romantic and cynic. I love romantic comedies but I am hesitant to believe in the idea of a soul mate. I want to meet a man someday that loves me for all the right reasons but I’m tired (already at such a young age) of creeps and superficial guys.
I’ve always believed that a good relationship needs two healthy halves to be functional and healthy. It breaks my heart to see women with insecurities that need a man to feel worthy, men that are insecure and prey on women they can order around so that they may feel like a man, couples that are together because it is easier to stay together than split up, and couples that split up because they are not committed to one another.
I suppose I could go on and on. Relationships between men and women fascinate me. At the heart of this all, I’ve been thinking about what it means to be a woman. I can look at the women in my life and find many role-models, many characteristics to emulate. I also see weaknesses in them that exist in me. It strikes me that one of the strongest resources a woman has are other women. If we all had successful women in our lives, how much easier would it be to realize our own worth and work through common female problems?
God has profoundly blessed me with a secure network of women to teach me lessons about myself and about understanding women in general. I love the kindness, perseverance, responsibility, integrity, intelligence, sense of humor, confidence, generosity, faith, and ambition I see in the different women in my life. May God grant me the strength to be a support to those who have supported me, to be a role model for what a good woman should be, and to live my life now in such a way that I can raise good daughters one day down the road.
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